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Dear Dylan,
Firstly I would like to thank you for all the content you have posted to youtube, I find your opinion and how you share your experience with PEDs so openly and honestly to be extremely valuable.
The reason I am writing to you is because I have recently seen your video on "do I regret taking steroids" and it really hit home with me regarding the the trap one could fall into by not wanting to come off and recover. To this effect I wanted your advice regarding the psychological aspects of taking steroids and hat to expect after stopping and recovering.
I am 37 and I am currently in the position where I should stop and recover from a cycle. In total I have taken Testosterone for about 22 weeks and primobolan for about 12 weeks of the total. My initial reasoning for staying on this long is to get the additional benefit from the primobolan out to 18-20 weeks despite starting the test earlier. At the start I played with the dosages of Testosterone prior to the addition of Primo after which, I stabilized it at 250mg every 7 days. overall I have not experienced any negative physical side effects with the exception of testicular atrophy , which I have solve by using modest doses of HCG. My blood work is ok with the exception of the expected suppression of LH & FSH.
My reasons for taking steroids were two fold and perhaps not your typical ones. I wanted to get out of a "depressive funk" i was in for almost a year and to get back on a fitness track for "functional fitness" running, swimming, movement and body weight strength.
For almost a year prior to starting the cycle, I was in this "depressive Funk", despite having healthy natural testosterone levels. If I am honest with myself, the reason for this was due to my psychological state and situation (job, family etc), however I wanted it to be a medical malady, for which I could take medication and quickly feel better (the easy way out). I was lethargic and sleeping too much and my doctor prescribed me Thyroid hormone because my TSH values were borderline, indicating a sluggish metabolism. Unfortunately the Thyroxine had a significant psychological effect on me, which was not pleasant, so after seeing a specialist I stopped taking the medication. My doctor recommended that I take up running in order to get myself back on track. Despite running regularly about 3 years ago (something I regrettably stopped to focus on strength training) I could not lift myself out of my "Funk" to start running and tackle my feeling of depression. It was then I decided to take testosterone. And the effect was very positive.
Since being on cycle I have seen big changes in my outlook on life and I have started to move in what I believe is a positive. Ideas of what I want to do in my life and changes i want to make to be a better and more fulfilled person are not new concepts that I have developed while taking steroids, however steroids seem to have given me the strength and the focus to better evaluate and act upon the changes I have wanted to implement for a long time. I have been able to understand better where in areas of my life I have been lying to myself and not willing to accept certain home truths. It has become much clearer to me how chaotic my life has become and that I have been making poor decisions regarding the relationships I have with loved ones, my level of organisation and responsibility and my consumption of alcohol and drugs, which has been a part of how I cope with my dissatisfaction in my current situation. I have become more emotional not based in negativity or anger but i have a greater access to emotions both positive and negative.
I am now committed to moving towards simplifying my life, being honest with others and myself and to stop making bad life choices which complicate things and endanger my relationships. However in order to achieve this I must also make some changes, which in the short term will be painful for both me and other people.
I hope this in some way makes sense to you, but it leads me to the overall point of my mail. I am over due to stop my cycle, and I know that continued use could start to impact my ability to recover fully and my fertility, but I am scared of how the PCT and subsequent normalization of my body will affect my ability to continue to make the changes I am currently undertaking. i am also scared that I will regret what I have started. however, I believe the steroid use has amplified underlying thoughts and feelings , but but created new ones.
Can you please offer me some insight or reassurance or opinion based on your experiences of recovery? what is the level of psychological impact and change in thinking you have experienced in recovery?
In your video you said that you have gained so much from the drive and path that taking PEDs has taken you, but also at the cost of having difficulty conceiving a child with your wife (you have my deep respect for your openness on such a sensitive topic). How long were you blasting and cruising to have such a detrimental effect on your fertility?
In your experience, do you think that with the time I have been on, or staying on until 30 weeks could cause me greater recovery problems?
I already took a home fertility test which indicated there is an absence of the protein which is contained in the spermatozoa (meaning there is no sperm present) which has shocked me a little, even though it is typical (im not sure how trustworthy these kit are though). I am at a crossroads. I do not want to stop because I feel the road ahead will be harder while doing a PTC but I dont want to too much risk my fertility. I think i would only ever continue to Easter, which would take the cycle out to 30 weeks, but i dont know what to do.
Anyway, if you have read this far, thank you brother. I hope at least you can take some inspiration from such a long read for a video or something.
I look forward to your response and advice
Firstly I would like to thank you for all the content you have posted to youtube, I find your opinion and how you share your experience with PEDs so openly and honestly to be extremely valuable.
The reason I am writing to you is because I have recently seen your video on "do I regret taking steroids" and it really hit home with me regarding the the trap one could fall into by not wanting to come off and recover. To this effect I wanted your advice regarding the psychological aspects of taking steroids and hat to expect after stopping and recovering.
I am 37 and I am currently in the position where I should stop and recover from a cycle. In total I have taken Testosterone for about 22 weeks and primobolan for about 12 weeks of the total. My initial reasoning for staying on this long is to get the additional benefit from the primobolan out to 18-20 weeks despite starting the test earlier. At the start I played with the dosages of Testosterone prior to the addition of Primo after which, I stabilized it at 250mg every 7 days. overall I have not experienced any negative physical side effects with the exception of testicular atrophy , which I have solve by using modest doses of HCG. My blood work is ok with the exception of the expected suppression of LH & FSH.
My reasons for taking steroids were two fold and perhaps not your typical ones. I wanted to get out of a "depressive funk" i was in for almost a year and to get back on a fitness track for "functional fitness" running, swimming, movement and body weight strength.
For almost a year prior to starting the cycle, I was in this "depressive Funk", despite having healthy natural testosterone levels. If I am honest with myself, the reason for this was due to my psychological state and situation (job, family etc), however I wanted it to be a medical malady, for which I could take medication and quickly feel better (the easy way out). I was lethargic and sleeping too much and my doctor prescribed me Thyroid hormone because my TSH values were borderline, indicating a sluggish metabolism. Unfortunately the Thyroxine had a significant psychological effect on me, which was not pleasant, so after seeing a specialist I stopped taking the medication. My doctor recommended that I take up running in order to get myself back on track. Despite running regularly about 3 years ago (something I regrettably stopped to focus on strength training) I could not lift myself out of my "Funk" to start running and tackle my feeling of depression. It was then I decided to take testosterone. And the effect was very positive.
Since being on cycle I have seen big changes in my outlook on life and I have started to move in what I believe is a positive. Ideas of what I want to do in my life and changes i want to make to be a better and more fulfilled person are not new concepts that I have developed while taking steroids, however steroids seem to have given me the strength and the focus to better evaluate and act upon the changes I have wanted to implement for a long time. I have been able to understand better where in areas of my life I have been lying to myself and not willing to accept certain home truths. It has become much clearer to me how chaotic my life has become and that I have been making poor decisions regarding the relationships I have with loved ones, my level of organisation and responsibility and my consumption of alcohol and drugs, which has been a part of how I cope with my dissatisfaction in my current situation. I have become more emotional not based in negativity or anger but i have a greater access to emotions both positive and negative.
I am now committed to moving towards simplifying my life, being honest with others and myself and to stop making bad life choices which complicate things and endanger my relationships. However in order to achieve this I must also make some changes, which in the short term will be painful for both me and other people.
I hope this in some way makes sense to you, but it leads me to the overall point of my mail. I am over due to stop my cycle, and I know that continued use could start to impact my ability to recover fully and my fertility, but I am scared of how the PCT and subsequent normalization of my body will affect my ability to continue to make the changes I am currently undertaking. i am also scared that I will regret what I have started. however, I believe the steroid use has amplified underlying thoughts and feelings , but but created new ones.
Can you please offer me some insight or reassurance or opinion based on your experiences of recovery? what is the level of psychological impact and change in thinking you have experienced in recovery?
In your video you said that you have gained so much from the drive and path that taking PEDs has taken you, but also at the cost of having difficulty conceiving a child with your wife (you have my deep respect for your openness on such a sensitive topic). How long were you blasting and cruising to have such a detrimental effect on your fertility?
In your experience, do you think that with the time I have been on, or staying on until 30 weeks could cause me greater recovery problems?
I already took a home fertility test which indicated there is an absence of the protein which is contained in the spermatozoa (meaning there is no sperm present) which has shocked me a little, even though it is typical (im not sure how trustworthy these kit are though). I am at a crossroads. I do not want to stop because I feel the road ahead will be harder while doing a PTC but I dont want to too much risk my fertility. I think i would only ever continue to Easter, which would take the cycle out to 30 weeks, but i dont know what to do.
Anyway, if you have read this far, thank you brother. I hope at least you can take some inspiration from such a long read for a video or something.
I look forward to your response and advice
