bannednutritionnapsgear

Parenting dilemma seeking an objective opinion

44YOGearHead

Active member
Member
So my son and his gf are at college together as most of you know. About a month or so ago she said she wanted to transfer schools as she wanted to basically join a sorority, or something to that effect. That is fine, everyone needs their own identity and to grow and learn some lessons based upon the decisions they make/made. I see some of this as being financially motivated perhaps as she tries to not bother me for money, but knows I send enough for them both to my son. I send her money time to time as well just so she can do something she pleases without my son saying shit. If a sorority is what she wants, by all means have at it. I'll know, or have an idea of what to expect from my son's football this May at the Spring Game. I'm gonna take a class online for him so he can have 30 ch to transfer, my obligation is after all to him. Am I being harsh? I look at the situation like this:

1. Your parents weren't considering college for you. The military was their plan.
2. I got you in and at college, I with exception to your grandfather from time to time (2x) pay your tuition.
3. You said you wanted to be together in college, you are, BUT you're determined you want to transfer despite risking your relationship... meh...
4. At age 19 something more than likely will happen and they way she likes to party and drink something bad hopefully won't happen.
5. I've basically written her off in my head. I'm very much a make you live with your choices kind of guy point blank. If she transfers I am not paying for, or supporting her/that. I'm just waiting for the semester to end to see and if I can xfer my son to a bigger program in TX I'll ask 1x if she wants me to get her in the school as well.
6. I just don't want my son getting hurt and this affecting relationships later on in his life, because he's done so much and sacrificed things to be with her. He could've easily walked on to UMT who was recruiting him prior to some team injuries. He's a good guy and I'd like him to stay that way in life/love.

Opinions?
 

cmb5017

Active member
Member
Idk...I still say she's a bitch and he's probably better off without her...looks like she's all about her self..if she don't run now she'll just run later because she has her own priorities..and being a good girl friend and appreciative "daughter in law" isn't one of them
 

RedMorkai

Active member
I have mixed opinions on this. You are being exceptional kind and supportive to her. It is her life and sometimes you can't let others dictate that even with financial support, it's a horrible feeling being "pigeon holed". She's very young, it's unlikely she really knows what she wants yet, and sometimes the best way to figure that out is to put yourself in a vastly different situation than you are now. I think a lot of this is different than when we were that age.

This is a tough one, I don't know how I'd approach this myself. I'd definitely be frustrated if I was you, but I can maybe understand what she is thinking as well. I don't know your relationship with her, I assume you are kind of like a father figure to her. Anyway you can try to get her to open up about what's she thinking?

Good luck! For such a big tough guy, you have a big heart. Maybe the anabolics made it grow haha.
 

44YOGearHead

Active member
Member
Lol. Like I told her, 'I'll never tell you what decision to make. I won't try to influence you as you're an adult and have to live with the decisions you make. Just know sometimes shit happens and you either benefit from it, or suffer behind it. We never learn anything if we simply do what others want us to do'. I'm just emotionally preparing myself for the worst while silently hoping for the best I suppose.


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MissBizz

Active member
I paid for college myself. If my parents or someone else's parents would gave helped me, I would ensure every decision I am making wouldn't effect them financially and they were there to support me. If she plans on doing this without your support its up to her to pay her way imo. She doesn't get it and probably won't for another few years. I get she wants what she wants but now it's up to her to pay for it.

I'd say you've done enough for her. You helped get her where she is and now it's time for her and or her parents to step up and give her what she wants.

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BigBusiness

Active member
The decision we make in life define us!! Even the bad ones, part of life is making bad decisions, learning from them and being a better person after. As young adults sometimes they have to fly the coup or be booted from it. The point is.. your son is young and he has his whole life ahead of him, don't let a girl drag him down. He has one shot to get this right!!
This is the part of life that us adults always look back and say we should have done this or I should have done that. No regrets!!!

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44YOGearHead

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I paid for college myself. If my parents or someone else's parents would gave helped me, I would ensure every decision I am making wouldn't effect them financially and they were there to support me. If she plans on doing this without your support its up to her to pay her way imo. She doesn't get it and probably won't for another few years. I get she wants what she wants but now it's up to her to pay for it.

I'd say you've done enough for her. You helped get her where she is and now it's time for her and or her parents to step up and give her what she wants.

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Definitely and I agree. She'll figure it out and have to deal with it. My obligation to her was thru kindness and loyalty to my son as well as their being together. Hell save me some money. I told my son already, she eff up, you better man up and be done with her for good. Life and love are weird that way, sometimes something/someone departs so that someone better for you can enter. In all honesty we should all be single until were like my age so we can appreciate love and relationships any ways.
 

44YOGearHead

Active member
Member
The decision we make in life define us!! Even the bad ones, part of life is making bad decisions, learning from them and being a better person after. As young adults sometimes they have to fly the coup or be booted from it. The point is.. your son is young and he has his whole life ahead of him, don't let a girl drag him down. He has one shot to get this right!!
This is the part of life that us adults always look back and say we should have done this or I should have done that. No regrets!!!

PHARMACOM BOARD REP
PM for any questions
BigB15 for 15% off all orders

Bro I hate youth. Such indecision and stupidity. Easily influenced to do the dumb thing, or easy thing.
 

Buggy2hot

Senior Member
Member
Bro I hate youth. Such indecision and stupidity. Easily influenced to do the dumb thing, or easy thing.

Amen, you can say that again. Outside my handful of bros, I don't even hang out with or date people close to my age (30 years old). "Millennialism" is a disease, ugh.


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Buggy2hot

Senior Member
Member
Lol. Like I told her, 'I'll never tell you what decision to make. I won't try to influence you as you're an adult and have to live with the decisions you make. Just know sometimes shit happens and you either benefit from it, or suffer behind it. We never learn anything if we simply do what others want us to do'. I'm just emotionally preparing myself for the worst while silently hoping for the best I suppose.


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Hahahaha "maybe the anabolics made it grow".... I would agree with the stance you're taking, even though it flies in the face of the efforts that you & his grandfather are making to keep college away from your son's finances. I would advise that he follow his heart & live with the fallout: it will make him tougher & wiser in the long run, and too many adults simply don't have the intestinal fortitude to follow their heart whilst trying to take control of their own lives. Heart = no regrets, all learning.


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BraedenB

Member
Member
Your son is your main priority over her. He can grow and be happy without her, we all heal and we all grow, I'm sure you've put a good head on his shoulders and he will make good decisions. If she wants to transfer then that's her decision but she should most definitely thank you graciously for all you've done. But in short, focus on your son and your son should also focus on himself. Just my input
 

Astie

Member
I didn't take a baseball scholarship because my wife now (gf at the time) couldn't go with me. Being at a different college and the distance between us I knew the relationship probably wouldn't last. Don't regret my decision at all. I personally think it'll be tough for them to stay together with her doing that. Although, I don't know thier relationship history. To me there was more to college that a fraternity and partying. I guess that's why I'm a dentist now. If I was in your situation I wouldn't be funding her "partying", because it sounds like that's what she wants to do. Kind of hard to do that if she's around your son and at the same college.
 

44YOGearHead

Active member
Member
Personally I'd never lose out on an opportunity to better myself and my quality of life behind a gf. Especially as a teenager. I tell my son in the end he has to man up and accept the fact one day regardless, he has to be prepared for any situation with, or without her. Honestly, I should have let her parents dictate whatever plans they had in place


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BoogeyMan

Member
Member
So she's willing to give up schooling that doesn't cost her nearly what it would (idk if you pay her end partially or completely, either way its serious generosity) just to "join a sorority" aka slut it up for four years at parties? Tell your son to kiss her ass goodbye. If not tell him he's on his own to pay for schooling. Don't pay for him to transfer every year when his girl decides she wants to.
 

44YOGearHead

Active member
Member
So she's willing to give up schooling that doesn't cost her nearly what it would (idk if you pay her end partially or completely, either way its serious generosity) just to "join a sorority" aka slut it up for four years at parties? Tell your son to kiss her ass goodbye. If not tell him he's on his own to pay for schooling. Don't pay for him to transfer every year when his girl decides she wants to.

No, he's already said it is what it is. He will try to make it work, but he knows he has to do what's best for him. You and I know it's doomed, but he'll figure it out when he can't reach her, or he's around her and all her male 'friends'.


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BraedenB

Member
Member
Pretty much guaranteed not to last. Big slap in the face since you were paying for her but is what it is I suppose. Hopefully all works out and this doesn't affect his grades or sports too much
 

44YOGearHead

Active member
Member
Pretty much guaranteed not to last. Big slap in the face since you were paying for her but is what it is I suppose. Hopefully all works out and this doesn't affect his grades or sports too much

Hey man I'm a firm believer in landing on one's own feet. He'll be fine, I raise men, so if he displays a little weakness... dad can tighten it up. Besides, I fund it all he can want to run chase after her if he wants... I'll dry his pockets the fuck up and ensure he man's the hell up.
 

October

Member
Member
You seem like a very generous man 44. They are kids so you think with your heart and your gut. For myself, when I don't listen to my gut, it always comes back to bite me. I wish your son the best. His girl too.
 

KODA24

Senior Member
Member
You've done alot for this girl, if she jumps ship your kindness should go too. I think she needs to understand that before she transfers. Your right of she parties it could get rough on your son over time, he won't be near her. I think your on the right track.

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renglez

Senior Member
Member
'my obligation is after all to him'
'Ive basically written her off in my head'

Sounds like you and your sons priorities are set and she made the decision for you really. just my opinion
 
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