Dealing with a Negative and Unsupportive GF, Fiancee or Wife

[The_Gat5]

I'm still pretty new here, I posted an intro a while back but I've been pretty quiet. Anyways I'm just finishing up my first cycle and saw great results (thanks Dylan).
I want to discuss a topic that I think a portion of guys here have to deal with, the unsupportive and negative significant other.

Here's a short rundown of my personal situation...
I started dating my chick back in 2012 while I was wrapping up my college degree, I was only working out like 3 times a week, if that, didn't really know what I was doing, and wasn't really hardcore on lifting/fitness stuff.
Spring of 2013, right before I graduated she missed her pills for a few days and I knocked her up, I nabbed a decent job coming out of school and was 25 when we had my daughter.
I started working out more, focusing on getting bigger, scheduling my workouts around her job and our kid, I asked her to marry me mid 2014 (we're planning on April 2017).
Fast forward to present day, I usually lift 5-6 times a week for about 1.5hrs (occasionally 2hrs). She complains or just gets bitchy EVERY time I go to the gym, this started in 2014 and has progressively gotten worse.
Recently she's made some negative statements, which motivates me to workout more so I can prove her wrong, but it's just disappointing.

I don't think I'll ever get her on board with juice, her dad used it back in the 90s and was just a generally sh*tty person back then, so I doubt she'll ever be cool with it.
But I'd like her to be supportive of my dieting and lifting instead of wishing I was chubby (supposedly it's because she wants us to eat junk food together or something, I'm not sure what her justification for this is but she has said this many times). I've tried to get her involved and offered to watch our kid while she goes to the gym, but she's either not interested or just not motivated.
I kinda just feel like I'm at a dead end, I'm not going to stop working out or trying to get bigger and she seems totally opposed to it. I want to stay with her because I think that's probably whats best for our kid so I can't just end it.

So here is my question:
Has anyone successfully motivated their significant other to be supportive of their goals?
If so, how?
I don't want to make her work out (though I would definitely support that), I just don't want her pissed and bitchy every time I go to the gym.

 

[Joe S.]

The tough part with that is the kid, I don't have any so it would be easy for me to say dump her and move on. But I understand the kid thing and that puts a lot of people in for a long unhappy road.
If your feeling this way now I definitely would not lock this down with a ring.
I just got divorced and it was a fucking nightmare without a kid, but then my ex was fucking psycho too.
I think you really just need to sit and talk to her and explain the way she makes you feel, that this is what you want, this is what your going to do, and you don't want to be made to feel like shit for doing it, as long as your being fair and giving her and your child the time they need or at least making the effort you should not get crap for it. At least that's my thought process anyway.

Fast forward my life right now, I met a chick 2 years ago after separation, we dated a few months, I fish competitively, and I also fish when not competing, it's my passion. She started to give me shit and make me feel bad because I would need to leave things early or not see her the nights before tournaments. I told there's two options, either she can accept it or not. but I will not be made to feel guilty for doing something I love to do. So she can deal with it and be supportive as I would be of anything she was passionate about or hit the damn road and find someone else to control. Were still together and I fish a lot she schedules things around my tournament schedule ;-)

 

[rockmfhudd]

I got mine on board. she wasn't really feeling the whole gear thing, mainly because she is a nurse and all the "roid rage" bullshit the govt and media have talked about. well I asked her to watch bigger faster stronger with me and she was like hmmmm very interesting. so we discussed it and agreed that I would try a cycle and if I had any anger issues etc that I would stop. well she actually started working out with me and taking sarms then about 3 or 4 months later I talked her into shooting some test, she is 51 and on hrt anyways one day she finally agreed and loved it, it just about killed me cuz she was so fucking horny but I will take that anyday. sounds like to me she may be a little insecure and immature at best. she don't want youto be a looker for other women. im not sure if it were me I would move forward with marriage plans just yet, you are already tied to her because of the baby but you can or could still walk away it adds a whole nother dynamic with that ring.

 

[MarkD]

I just didn't give my girlfriend a choice and now she's part of the Tren survivors group.

 

[The_Gat5]

She's definitely insecure, and it doesn't really help that I've been getting a lot more attention from "fit" girls over the past 6 months or so.
She'll complain about something on her body like, "my butt's tiny," and I'll be like, "come do some squats with me." She always has some kind of excuse.
IMO if you don't like your body, put in the work to change it, that's what I've been doing and even with all the bullsh*t, I love my life, I feel great about myself.
I would LOVE to get her on board with juice but her dad was an abusive alcoholic who cheated on her mom and just so happened to also juice. I've given up everything except the occasional drink and have never been a violent person, even when drunk.
I would have make sure she knows his behavior was due to the alcohol, not the juice. Also hes like really fat and out of shape an unhealthy now, so she thinks that's the end result. It'll be a tough sell.

 

[Testdude63]

The best thing one can do is lay it out on the table. Let her know this is you. Assure her that you're smart and responsible. It's important to remain transparent with a partner. If she isn't down with it, she isn't down with you, and that will eventually ruin the relationship.

 

[The_Gat5]

If I put it all out there, she could just say "f*ck you" and take the kid and legally bar me from seeing my child or something. That's my real fear.

 

[rockmfhudd]

She's definitely insecure, and it doesn't really help that I've been getting a lot more attention from "fit" girls over the past 6 months or so.
She'll complain about something on her body like, "my butt's tiny," and I'll be like, "come do some squats with me." She always has some kind of excuse.
IMO if you don't like your body, put in the work to change it, that's what I've been doing and even with all the bullsh*t, I love my life, I feel great about myself.
I would LOVE to get her on board with juice but her dad was an abusive alcoholic who cheated on her mom and just so happened to also juice. I've given up everything except the occasional drink and have never been a violent person, even when drunk.
I would have make sure she knows his behavior was due to the alcohol, not the juice. Also hes like really fat and out of shape an unhealthy now, so she thinks that's the end result. It'll be a tough sell.

you shouldn't have to pay for her bruises in her past if she cannot get past that she doesn't deserve you, believe me you will be happier without her and visitation I can assure you of that, I left my ex after 5 years and still have and had a strong relationship with my son. I got married way too damn young. just because you have a child with her doesn't mean you have to marry her and put up with the bullshit. at this point the phrase "cheaper to keep her" doesn't apply once you marry her then you gotta go thru nastiness to get rid of her even tho you really aren't rid of her cuz you have to talk to her about the child, it is a suck ass situation but feeling like you need to stay isn't always the right thing to do.

 

[The_Gat5]

I don't want another guy raising my daughter, I may spend a lot of time in the gym, but I'm a damn good father.

 

[rockmfhudd]

If I put it all out there, she could just say "f*ck you" and take the kid and legally bar me from seeing my child or something. That's my real fear.

she cant bar you from seeing your kid, I seen crack heads get custody back. hell my sister shot her ol man the state took her "retarded" child from her she got out of jail and they gave her right back she has been turned in by the day care for being drunk picking her up. you have to do some serious shit to get a kid taken away from visitation. you gonna have to pay support but it was worth every fucking penny I paid not to have to deal with her every day plus I had 50% custody and still paid her dumbass 500 a month.

 

[rockmfhudd]

or you can wait until she has that "im sick and tired" of being this way or that moment to do something about her tiny butt. that may be a while. im telling you from experience tho if you aren't happy now a ring damn sho aint gonna make you happy

 

[PHURIOUS]

I say this. Fuck her. Who cares what she says. Dont go to the gym for someone else. Do it for YOU. If she wants to be left behind thats her choice.

Im lucky enough to have a great woman who lifts w me everyday and is into the meals and prep and numbers as i am.

But, if she wasnt id keep going and she can do what she likes. Thats just reality.

Next time she says something negative say this

" i refuse to let you bring me fown to your level. I do what i do for me to better myself. If you dont want to follow then thats fine but dont bring me down" and then go to the gym.


PHURIOUS

 

[The_Gat5]

I'm just worried if I tell her that I'm juicing she'll take me to court and force me to drug test to see my kid, judges here in Texas tend to side with the moms a lot.
Some days it's good and I want to make it work, it just seems like she's pissed all the time now, and not b/c I'm doing shitty stuff like drinking or partying a lot. When reality doesn't match her expectations she becomes a bitch.
For example, yesterday she said she wanted to go visit her dad who lives an hour away. I had stuff I wanted to do around the house but I was like okay cool, we can go do that. We get home at like 6p and I tell her I want to go lift and she gets pissed that I haven't done anything around the house.

 

[The_Gat5]

I say this. Fuck her. Who cares what she says. Dont go to the gym for someone else. Do it for YOU. If she wants to be left behind thats her choice.

Im lucky enough to have a great woman who lifts w me everyday and is into the meals and prep and numbers as i am.

But, if she wasnt id keep going and she can do what she likes. Thats just reality.

Next time she says something negative say this

" i refuse to let you bring me fown to your level. I do what i do for me to better myself. If you dont want to follow then thats fine but dont bring me down" and then go to the gym.


PHURIOUS

Man I would be the happiest guy on earth if she was down to lift and diet and train. The really f*cked up part is those are the kinds of girls that are hitting on me now.

 

[joonp]

I would definitely have a talk and explain that this is what youre going to do and its a part of you. It sounds like she is afraid youre going to be like her father and so is trying to stop you. Talk and see if she is going to support you. If not it may be best to split up. Dont let the problem linger and get married. Its 10x harder and expensive to get divorced. I know i been through it.

 

[44YOGearHead]

She's obviously insecure and worried that you're 1. spending time away from her and 2. probably seeing hot chicks in the gym. I've been with my ol' lady for 20 years and she did give some resistance at some point in time, but I didn't give her an option in the matter. I used to schedule things around her schedule if possible and still do to some degree. Before I retired I worked out immediately after work before going home. Then I put a gym in my work place (I was military and had my own building so I had 1400 pounds in DB's, squat rack and two benches in there and only let my platoon use my weights... my punk ass CO would come down after he thought I went home to use them I found out... lil bitch ass fucker that he was). I maintained two households for awhile before retiring so working out whenever became a non factor as far as taking up family time. Once I retired though I scheduled shit during the mornings while the wife was at work out of consideration. I pay all the bills, my wife is never short on anything she wants, or needs so there is no room to complain bro. I don't know your situation, but when they say ugly shit it's because they are using reverse psychology on you because they are in fact liking what they see, but prefer you to be a toad with a dad bod so nobody else wants you. My wife tells me how good I look every day, but she hates when we go places and young hot chicks flirt with me. It's part of the game bro. If you think she won't condone gear use... hide it all very well. If she finds it, figure that out on your own. I cycle, my wife knows. She doesn't care because she's not that savy to it and as long as her quality of life is good, what's to complain about? I'm older, my wife is a good woman and knows what matters in life is that I, as a man, handle my business so as long as that's taken care of and I'm not beating her ass, cheating, or have some secret fairy ass'd lifestyle in my closet what does she care? Now don't go getting all macho on her ass if she has some misconception that she's in charge of shit... would hate to see you in the dog house behind my advice, but you have to do what you love in order to feel good about all aspects of your life. Balance your time to do so as best you can.

 

[44YOGearHead]

I'm just worried if I tell her that I'm juicing she'll take me to court and force me to drug test to see my kid, judges here in Texas tend to side with the moms a lot.
Some days it's good and I want to make it work, it just seems like she's pissed all the time now, and not b/c I'm doing shitty stuff like drinking or partying a lot. When reality doesn't match her expectations she becomes a bitch.
For example, yesterday she said she wanted to go visit her dad who lives an hour away. I had stuff I wanted to do around the house but I was like okay cool, we can go do that. We get home at like 6p and I tell her I want to go lift and she gets pissed that I haven't done anything around the house.

Bro, you can't be in a relationship out of fear. If she's the type of woman to deny you access to your kid... you don't need that. Once you empower her, you might as well cut your balls off and hand them to her. Fuck that. I run my life, I take care of my family and nobody's complaining about shit so I do as I see fit. A mature woman knows when she has it good and won't fuck shit up over trivial things. Nothing like being well taken care of bro... if you wanna tuck your balls because you fear this, or that, she can smell it and will act accordingly. If you're doing everything a man is supposed to do, why be afraid of anything in a relationship?

 

[cspringer507]

Lol. What a story! Why not make a deal with her one time, offer her something like you will buy her this if she will go working out with you in the gym. If she doesn't like this kind of agreement. You need to buy a gym equipment and workout in your home. Lol. Well, I think that's the best option. Good luck!

 

[rockmfhudd]

fuck that buying her shit to bribe her. you can replace an old lady very quickly, as you can already tell women like what you are doing and you don't need negative bringin you down. why be a servant and bow down to someone where the things you do for her isn't reciprocated. DO NOT marry her if she is that way now, and you don't nip that shit in the bud it will only get worse. I promise you that

 

[The_Gat5]

fuck that buying her shit to bribe her. you can replace an old lady very quickly, as you can already tell women like what you are doing and you don't need negative bringin you down. why be a servant and bow down to someone where the things you do for her isn't reciprocated. DO NOT marry her if she is that way now, and you don't nip that shit in the bud it will only get worse. I promise you that

Yeah, I'll probably just have a talk and lay out my goals and reiterate that I'm willing to alter my schedule, but I'm not going to give up what I love just because she's unhappy with it.
I'm gonna wait and see how it goes before I come clean about the juice though. I've already told her I'm on estrogen blockers, maybe I'll let her know about the Sarms if this goes well.
She def needs a hobby too, or some new friends or something.